Friday
Sep042009
Presidential Cheat Sheet
Friday, September 4, 2009 at 08:45AM 
by Lance Thompson
I sympathize with any student forced to watch television at school. Making any activity mandatory and stipulating that it take place at school is sure to wring every ounce of fun out of it. On September 8th, President Obama will address all American students through the magic of television, and probably cure most of them of the habit.
The Department of Education, having utterly failed to raise academic standards despite annually mushrooming budgets, has helpfully offered suggestions to teachers as to how this program can be turned into a teachable moment.
Below are some of the questions the Department of Education suggests that teachers ask their K-6 students. I fully recall the fear and loathing that essay questions inspired in me. So, while the Department of Education has supplied the suggested questions below, I herewith supply the suggested answers:
Questions for Before the Speech
Q: Who is the President of the United States?
A: A Communist.
Q: What do you think it takes to be President?
A: ACORN, voter fraud, and an incompetent opponent from Arizona.
Q: To whom do you think the President is going to be speaking?
A: Everyone who can’t score a hall pass.
Q: Why do you think he wants to speak to you?
A: We’re the last captive audience in America
A: We’re the last captive audience in America
Questions for After the Speech
Q: What do you think the President wants us to do?
A: Be nice to terrorists.
Q: Does the speech make you want to do anything?
A: Yes, but I don’t want to vomit on my school shoes.
Q: Are we able to do what the President is asking of us?
A: Yes, if we give up free will, common sense, and individual liberty.
Q: What would you like to tell the President?
A: I’ll just leave this one blank. Kids say the darndest things.
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